This show every night, my genie and me. THAT’S HER NAME, YOU KNOW, NOT ONLY ARE YOU IMPORTANT IN show business, but I found out you’re important in hotels and everything. Every time I get a room, there’s a John. With a permanent buzz, a glass in hand, and a cigarette dangling from his lips, Dean Martin was the superstar who made every Tonight Show script look like a waste of paper.
Let’s take a look back at those legendary exchanges where Dean’s pure spontaneity turned Johnny Carson into nothing more than a helpless bystander. He says you’re not drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on. He said that? Now, tell him what you got in the cup. They probably think it’s booze or something. You always You always pretend It’s booze or something.
Well, I You I know you drink a lot of apple juice. If that’s apple juice, then uh I’m Al Capone. Joan, Joey, Joanne, you know, you can’t make a mistake. Oh, Joanne, you know. Yes, I got to be very careful. Me, I can’t make a mistake. I got my baby, honey, or sweetheart. I Dean Martin’s appearances always came with an over-the-top intimacy that completely blurred the lines between guest and host.
[laughter] This is it, huh? This is it. It’s Wednesday, Dean. Yeah. This is it. This is about the size of a crowd. This doesn’t get much more exciting than this usually. Do you show up? Yeah, you and I must be the worst entertainers in the world. Why is that? What? What? Well, I mean, you’ve been here 15 16? one show, 16.
I’ve had one show 16 years. Everybody I know had six, seven, eight shows. [laughter] We must be bad. Uh you got to do a commercial? You want to stay a while? Dean? Well, I sure don’t have to I a truck hit me, boy. No. Oh. No, I didn’t mean that. First you ask me on the show and then you tell me you want to stay a while. No, I didn’t mean Whether he was poking fun at the phoniness of the high society elite or dropping some of his twisted drinking philosophy, Dean Martin still drove audiences wild with his absolute don’t give a damn attitude and
effortless charm. Oh, I’m here. I’m here to plug Charlie’s Angels. It’s not even on his network, Dean. But I did a segment. Oh, you did. Yeah, I did. When When is it segment and it’ll be their first show next season. Well, now they didn’t tell me that. Well, for sure. You never go around asking.
I’m going to heal more sober people. I’m going to make drunks out of Yeah, I feel sorry for you people that don’t drink. Well, when you wake up in the morning, that’s as good as you’re going to FEEL ALL DAY.] DEAN MARTIN DIDN’T JUST RAISE HELL ON HIS OWN. HE dragged other legends right into the middle of his mischievous pranks.
The Italian restaurant wants that jacket back. Or a tablecloth You have your own clothes. It’s a shame they don’t get some to fit you, you know? You want to know why your monologue don’t go over? It was a smash tonight. Well, tonight I didn’t see it. Lovely ladies on the house behind the prairie there. Michael Landon’s on the show? No, Michael Learned. Learned.
Oh, Michael Learned. She’s on it. No, they think it’s Michelle. It’s Michael. It’s Michael Learned and she’s on The Waltons, isn’t she? No, she’s on my show. No, I’m What’s the normal show that she’s on? The house behind the prairie there. The house behind the prairie? Yeah, with Michael Landon. I see.
Yes. Dean Martin’s over-the-top confidence sometimes led to some pretty hilarious train wrecks, leaving even his inner circle shaking their heads in disbelief. I mean, are you doing one show this one show now? Aren’t you pitching Wednesday, AREN’T YOU? YOU WANT TO HEAR THE OCEAN? [cheering] MHM.
WHAT DO YOU WATCH BESIDES THIS SHOW? WELL, THE RIFLEMAN. GOING DOWN TO GET A LUBE JOB IN MY CHAIR AND I’ll be back. Chuck Connors, the Rifleman. Uh-huh. Good show. And Starsky and Hutch. Starsky and Hutch. Yeah, I watch I love [laughter] Oh, I love TV. Just uh those uh Dean Martin and Johnny Carson’s unscripted banter was pure gold.
Their wit was so sharp, it completely stole the show, outshining even the booze. [applause] I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY CLOTHES. I MEAN, THIS IS THIS is a nice outfit if you have a chicken takeout stand. [applause] She’s on it. No, they think it’s Michelle, it’s Michael. It’s Michael Learned, and she’s on The Waltons, isn’t she? No, she’s on my show. No, I know.
[laughter] What’s the normal show that she’s on? Moving past the small talk, Dean Martin kept the energy high with some hilarious no-filter confessions about his life and personal quirks. Well, this is old John, huh? You know, not only are you important in show business, but I found out you’re important in hotels and everything.
Every time I get a room, there’s a John. My doc sent me a note. He said to said to stop smoking. Yeah. I rolled it and smoked it. Smoked the note. How’s the guy with ALL THE NEW SUITS, HUH? He can’t make that much money. I’ll tell you that. The chaos hit its peak when their no-holds-barred chemistry left Johnny Carson completely powerless to rein in the show.
I hate to sleep in the dark. You you make A GOOD NIGHTLIGHT. WELL, it’s a public service. I can understand Yeah. Is is there another the other reason is your monologue it puts me to sleep. So nice. So far this show has been off awfully slow. This has been without a doubt one of the slowest moving shows I’ve ever seen.
Except for the one I saw you do last Thursday. [laughter] [cheering] That that was terribly slow. Yes, and your condition the Super Chief would be slow. No matter how messy things got, Dean Martin always had an act for turning chaos into pure comedy fueled by nothing but his natural-born charm. Three buttons on my car.
Yeah. What are they? One of the Riviera Can’t read your writing. One of them is [clears throat] for the golf. NBC NBC and home and home [laughter] I have a good commercial here. See, we’re we’re Where does it say you have Well, we’re fully we’re fully sponsored, you see, and we have to pause occasionally to sell something.
I assume you’re going to stay with us a while. Well, all depends on if you had a menopause or just a pause. You don’t drink that much, do you? What do you mean? It’s a prop more than anything. You you come on This ain’t no prop. Okay. I I You sit there and everybody says, “Look at Dean, he’s up there and how can he how can he do a show and drink that way?” I’ve seen you in the the MGM and you sit there and all during you sip this and it’s I’ll tell you.
[applause and cheering] Dean Martin’s free-spirited vibe sometimes left Johnny Carson totally helpless as he kept turning every TV rule into his own personal punchline. So many things I wanted to tell you. Yeah. These people look at you every night like this? I mean the the crew.
We have a a bigger group coming tonight because you and Bob are here, you see. Normally, nobody stands over there at all. Oh, I thought they were here cuz Angie was here. Yeah. [laughter] Angie who? Dickinson? No, she’s not on. I just saw her. No, that was on THAT WAS ON [applause] WHEN THE WHEN THE ELEPHANT [applause] NO, SHE’S SHE’S NOT UH WE ARE We are I I have a I have a hangnail.
I’m sterilizing it. Anyway, Oh, DON’T THROW THAT AWAY. [laughter] OKAY. NO, I DON’T LIKE THAT. WELL, THAT’S THE question you started to ask me. I changed my mind. I got ANSWERS TO THESE. [applause] PROBLEM WITH THE SHOW WE’VE HAD, WE’VE HAD TOO MANY ANSWERS. We’ve never had enough questions.
See, I’m always getting answers. I’m I’m I’m tired of answers. I just like to ask questions. ask you a question? Sure. Did it get cold in here? No. Oh. Oh, you hear Even as the show started to wind down, Dean Martin kept his King of Cool energy at full blast, keeping everyone on their toes with one unpredictable move after another.
Well, I made two pictures last year. Here, they’re still at the drugstore. [laughter] I just finished making call the Silencer. Yes, you did. you would. Silencer, it’s the American James Bond. My name is Matt Helm. Cool. I killed 15 guys one afternoon, one gun. Didn’t reload at all, except, you know, when I went to the bar.
Lovely hands. Mhm. Yeah, I turned down a Jergens lotion ad. [laughter] I’ve been waiting to work with Ali McGraw. He sneak right in there, you know. Your your time will come. My time will come? That’s right. [laughter] Okay. Well, as the fly said as he was walking over the mirror, that’s one way of looking at it.
[laughter] Part of Dean Martin’s magic was his ability to take the most mundane details and spin them into unforgettable comedic gold. Show every night. My genie and me. THAT’S HER NAME, GENIE. WE WATCH IT EVERY NIGHT AND THIS IS THIS IS this has been the slowest show I’ve ever seen. [laughter] The one we’re going to roast is Tony Randall.
But we’re going to use real wood and fire. Oh, that’s a roast. You’re talking about your basic roast. Now, because he told me once, “Don’t light that cigarette.” Hey, he could have said, “Please.” I can’t stand, you know. How do you still light your cigarette? lit but I don’t It was that trademark devil-may-care attitude and the constant smirk on his face that cemented Dean Martin as the king of cool ever to grace the Tonight Show stage.
How about you? What’s your favorite wild Dean Martin moment? Let us know in the comments below.
