In 2010, Justin Bieber was the most Googled human being on Earth, and he’s a household name to this day with more than a 100 million monthly listeners on Spotify. But Justin is also one of the most misunderstood superstars in history. Because behind that fame is a man who was shaped by pain long before the world ever knew his name.
Starting with the toxic breakup of his parents and Justin taking care of his depressed mom. My name is Marco Sander. I’m a psychologist and licensed psychotherapist and I’ve done more than 100 hours of research on Justin Bieber. I watched interviews, read articles, and even read his mom’s book. And I can wholeheartedly say that this documentary right here is the most complete that I’ve ever seen so far on the psychology of Justin. So, I hope you enjoy it. Now, I want to dive into Justin’s life before he got famous.
everything that happened from 0 to 13 because those are the most formative years which will help us understand his struggles with fame, addiction, anger, depression, and anxiety from a totally new perspective that has never been shared. And I also want to answer the question of where is Justin right now? How much did he overcome already? And what is he still struggling with? And Justin, if you’re watching this, I want to be loving.
I want to be respectful, but I also want to be honest and even challenge you to continue to grow. He’s got a long journey and great plans. Congratulations. I don’t know if I’d be alive for sure. It was dark. Really dark. Right now he’s having 48 hours with Diddy. What’ you say? What’ you say? So much pain.
A guy who has it all except for respect, love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy. It’s hard sometimes to look in the mirror and really have to realize maybe you’re not the person that you necessarily thought that you were. That’s just a result of trauma and and life circumstances. March 1st, 1994. This is where Justin Bieber’s story begins.
Born to Patty Mlette and Jeremy Bieber, who were both just 18 at the time. And you might have guessed it, Justin wasn’t planned. On his date of birth, his father Jeremy was in jail because he got into a fight. And a couple of months later, his parents split, leaving his mom, Patty, to raise Justin on her own. I I grew up like really with not a lot of money, you know, um lived in gear to income housing.
So, this is it. Oh, yeah. I remember. This is like the apartment I grew up in. What up, man? And when Jeremy left, he didn’t just walk away. Years later, Patty would write in her book, “I came back to my apartment the next day. It was practically empty. Jeremy had taken all the furniture out of the house, leaving Justin and me with just a television.
There was no silver spoon, no safety net, just a teenage mom, an empty apartment, and a baby boy who would one day become one of the biggest pop stars in the world. My name is Justin. This is how I draw. But to understand Justin, we first of all got to understand Patty’s life before she even gave birth to Justin because this will help us understand how she raised him and how this affected his life early on. My biological father had abused my mother for about 10 years.
My parents split at an early age as so many broken homes today. And when my father left, you know, at 2 years old, of course, I’m thinking, I’m to blame. I’m responsible. Please don’t leave, daddy. I’ll be good. My sister was killed in a by a car when she was five. And my mom is the strongest woman I’ve ever met. It wasn’t her thing. She just didn’t know how to talk to me.
And so for me, I had to go to a friend’s mom to talk to somebody or a counselor at school. With my dad gone and my mom emotionally unavailable, I I felt orphaned because I wasn’t, you know, properly protected. The sexual abuse started uh really young, unfortunately.
Started getting sexually abused from the time I was 5 up until I was about 10 years old and there was multiple abusers. As a little girl, I sort of just just kept bottling it up and kept, you know, kept it inside. But um when I became a teenager, I started drinking a lot and and doing a lot of smoking a lot of pot and um doing LSD.
Some things to try and relieve relieve the pain that way. And I went through a lot of depression. I was um you know suicidal when I was a teenager. I attracted uh you know really unhealthy relationships. Even Justin’s dad, I dated him. It was such a toxic relationship on again, off again.
And I just got to a point where everything spiraled out of control to the point of, you know, attempted suicide. And I remember giving my life to Jesus in a hospital room after I had recently tried to commit suicide at 17. Mhm. 6 months before I had Justin. And when Patty was pregnant, she was still desperately figuring out life. Even throughout Justin’s childhood, she still dealt with depression and anxiety.
In her book, she wrote, “When Justin was around 9 to 12 years old, there were periods of time when I was so depressed that I had to force myself off the couch to play board games with him. Waking up was a chore in itself. I remember countless times when I would curl up in a fetal position and rock back and forth, crying out to God and begging him to take the anxiety away.” Now, let’s take Justin’s perspective for a second.
As a child, of course, you notice that your single mom is struggling. Maybe it’s a tired face, a conversation he overhears on the phone, or hearing his mother crying in the bedroom at night. At some point, she even told Justin about her suffering. I let him hear my story. He had me share my story for the first time when he was 12. Wow. And uh and then what was his reaction? He had tears, you know.
And hearing that is stressful and overwhelming for a child. And there has been no reliable father to help. It was all on him. And he knew that because my mom, you know, she’s been through so much and being so young.
She had me when she was 18 and you know, I I know the struggle she went through and to have raised me and and as a result, Justin started to emotionally support his mom. Psychologists call this a parentification because young Justin took on the parent role. When you’re lost and you’re tired, when you’re broken into, let my love take you higher. He started to feel responsible for his mother. He tried to make her feel better.
And maybe that’s why Justin developed such a sunny boy attitude early on in life. In another song, he sings about his childhood. However, by taking care of his mom, he was also trying to not be a burden on her, withholding his own emotions and pleasing others. I’m not the type of person who likes confrontation at all. Like, I hate it. So, I don’t want to disappoint them. I don’t want them to think that I don’t love them.
But by becoming the parent of his mom, Justin took on a burden of an unsolvable task because you can’t heal your mother’s depression and you can’t bring back your dad. Instead, the price you pay is huge. Feeling overwhelmed, helpless, and as Justin shares in an Instagram story, I definitely feel unequipped and unqualified most days. This is not about blaming Patty.
It’s not her fault to be depressed, anxious, or single, but it helps explain Justin’s childhood. and this may have shaped his life later on. Now, Patty coped with all that pain by turning to religion. There is nothing wrong with that. However, Patty was struggling so deeply that she clung to the Bible like a lifeline, almost becoming dogmatic, trying to use religion to treat her anxiety that otherwise seemed unbearable.
I read my Bible more than usual, pouring over its words, as well as listening to an audio version. But I still couldn’t escape the knowing feeling of fear and anxiety that were eating through my peace like termites. She was trying to heal with faith and positivity. And that was her parenting style with Justin. He was not allowed to feel anger or to feel quote unquote selfish feelings.
Justin was taught to be selfless and suppress natural emotions. And the effect on Justin was huge. I was always told when I was a kid not to hate, but it made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to have it. And so I didn’t tell anyone I’ve had it, which made me feel like I’ve been drowning, feeling unsafe to acknowledge it. For me, it was just confusing cuz she’d say one thing and then like she would say, “Well, you’re forgiven, but then I’d do something bad or whatever was supposedly bad, but then I'” She’d make me feel ashamed for it. Why are you making me feel bad for doing something? Because things to me in my
personal life have felt very preachy and very much like not palatable or digestible. But of course, emotions keep popping up and Justin kept feeling shame about it. When people told me I deserve something, it made me feel sneaky, like damn, if they only knew my thoughts, how judgmental I am, how selfish I really am.
And all those suppressed emotions make a child not just feel sneaky and shameful, but it makes them feel insecure, like they’re doing something wrong for having those emotions. And as we will later on see, it also contributed to his anger. By the way, Patty basically had the same childhood. Her parents also told her to inhibit her emotions. She also felt shame and anger, and the cycle continues.
And as a teaser, Justin could be the first to break this family cycle. But just instead, Jeremy Bieber is a different story. We actually don’t know much about his upbringing except that Jeremy’s dad was an alcoholic, and Jeremy stepped into his footsteps. Jeremy was a party animal and struggled with addiction and aggression problems. He has been to jail more than once for assault, bodily harm, and failing to comply with the terms of his probation.
Justin, you know, I lost my dad on 9/11, and I always regretted growing up without a dad until I met your dad, Justin. And with Patty, Jeremy has been a chronic cheater. Afterwards, he would crawl back, begging her to forgive him, saying that they belong together and they’re meant to be.
This cycle went on for 4 years until Patty finally cut off the relationship and cancelled the wedding. Me and his dad had a toxic relationship growing up. We were teenagers. It was on again, off again. However, Justin experienced this inconsistent behavior from his dad as well. His mom wrote in her book, “There were times Jeremy would make plans to see 2-year-old Justin and not show up.
My heart would break as I watched Justin sit on the front steps for hours waiting for his daddy.” I had to fight back the tears when I’d hear Justin ask with such a longing, “Is he still coming now, Mommy?” And then again an hour later, “Is Daddy coming soon, Mommy?” I’d always make excuses and pretend something had come up, reassuring Justin over and over that daddy still loved him. He’ll see you next time. I promise. For a child, moments like that cut deep.
Because after sitting there and waiting, the wound is not just disappointment. It’s the feeling that the person you love might not choose you. And once that’s planted early, it can follow into relationships later on in life. Not because you choose to be difficult, but because there’s a part within you that is still trying to protect you from this pain happening again.
Justin later on reflects on his dad saying that he was 18 and not in a place where he could raise a kid. He was immature. He left for like a year when I was about four, went to British Columbia, came back on Father’s Day. I remember my mom said, “If you’re going to be here, you have to be here.
” In the meanwhile, Jeremy moved on. He got married twice and built a new family with three more children. When parents separate, children often either demonize or idolize the parent who moves out. In Justin’s case, it seems like he overly adored his father and has often defended his parenting style, insisting he’s been around more than people think. Part of that is simple psychology.
Justin spends so little time with his father, which put him by nature in a more needy and vulnerable position. Scarcity creates longing. But there was another layer to it. Patty wrote, “Jeremy admitted to me that he didn’t want to spend the little time he had with Justin disciplining him and playing the bad guy. Unfortunately, it made my job a whole lot harder.
I found myself having to be the bad guy while Jeremy was the fun parent or even the hero. When his dad was around, it was not about homework, rules, or everyday responsibilities. It was fun time, and that is the perfect combination to put his dad on a pedestal. He’s rarely there, but it’s amazing whenever he is.
The missing father can start to feel less like a real person and more like an emotional fantasy. A figure onto whom Justin projected love, hope, and the longing to finally be chosen. And with all those confusing childhood feelings, Justin became a pop star at the age of 15. Yo yo Jason, this a little stump sucks. He’s been putting up videos on YouTube and he is now the number one most subscribed to musician in Canada.
I was found online by my manager Scooter who um who brought me to Atlanta and introduced me to a bunch of people. Justin Timberlake and Usher were actually fighting over who could sign him and we just signed with the music label and we’re moving in about a week to the US. Justin Bieber is getting ready to go down. Just so you know, we’re in the studio right now working on it.
Get ready because it’s going to be big. Ain’t that right, Justin? That’s right. That’s right. So, look out. We’re coming. Well, if you’re a teenage girl, there’s no need to explain who Justin Bieber is. Justin Bieber has become one of the largest music stars in the last year. Audiences will catch a common symptom most commonly known as the Bieber fever.
A crazy screaming condition spread by 17-year-old singer Justin Bieber. But with all that fame at that young age and no parents being able to guide him, people inevitably took advantage of him. We we can’t really disclose, but um it’s definitely a 15year-old’s dream.
Again, Justin’s trust has been hurt, and again, he felt lonely and lost, just like in his childhood. Fame did not create all of his wounds. Fame exposed his wounds and turned private pain into public chaos. Justin started losing contact with his mom. He rebelled against his mom’s way of raising him, and he was trying to break free. I was just in a weird place, dude. And I felt I felt it in my soul.
He didn’t want to live with that burden anymore and instead enjoy new limitless lifestyle. And with whom? His dad. Justin has gone and uh had a bunch of ink done, a lot of tattoos. And did he ask you for approval? He had a little bonding experience with his dad and uh his dad’s got tattoos. Justin Bieber and his father allegedly refused a pilot’s warning to stop smoking pot during a flight.
The pilot also claims, according to this source, that Bieber and his entourage were verbally abusive to the flight crew. Justin Bieber has been arrested on drag racing, driving under the influence, and resisting arrest charges. And Justin’s father was there for it all. Reports are saying his entourage, including his dad, blocked off some residential streets so that Justin and his friends could carry out their bout of drag racing. Justin had no proper contact with his mom for 2 years.
He told the GQ magazine that I’m a lot closer to my dad than I am to my mom. He tells the magazine, “I was distant because I was ashamed. I never wanted my mom to be disappointed in me, and I knew she was. We spent some time not talking.” However, Justin was still hoping to find closure with his dad, and his dad, Jeremy, loved that because he loved partying and going wild.
There are rumors that Justin even paid his dad a monthly allowance of $10 to $50,000 a month and bought him an $850,000 house. And at first, Justin enjoyed the intention of his dad. It was what he always wanted. But ultimately, the facade crumbled and Justin did not feel the closure that he deeply desired.
Partly because Justin put his dad on a pedestal that he could never live up to, but partly because it seemed like his dad was too involved with his son’s lifestyle instead of his son. And at some point, Justin realized that he lost both his parents. He was left disappointed by his dad and at the same time he let down his mom. He was adored by millions but felt unseen. nobody to call. Maybe they know me.
And how do you deal with all this pain? And after a while, I started putting up walls and boundaries and and for a while I kind of shut everybody out. At the height of his success, Justin became arrogant and entitled, but actually he felt overwhelmed and lonely. I’m 19 years old. I I think uh I think I’m doing a pretty good job. Uh I’m retiring, man. No, we’re retiring. Yeah. Guess what? Guess what? I don’t recall. And Justin developed anger.
A feeling he was never allowed to feel in his childhood. What’ you say? What’ you say? So actually an advancement because usually anger remains unexpressed due to shame and fear. But behind anger is usually pain. The pain of his mom crossing his boundaries, his father abandoning him, feeling used by the industry, and feeling isolated by becoming a pop idol. And when Justin finally opened up that emotional door, he hit rock bottom.
You wake up one day and you have all the success in the world, but you’re unhappy. and you’re just like, well, what is this worth if I’m still feeling empty inside? I’m still sad. I’m still in pain and I still have these unresolved issues. And so for me, the drugs were a numbing agent to just continue to get through.
Man, I think that there were times where I was really, really suicidal, like really like, man, this is this pain ever going to go away? There was a time where I was sipping lean. I was popping pills. I was doing Molly um you know shrooms everything and then started getting really dependent on it and that’s when I realized that I had to stop. I got off the pills but I never went to the root of everything.
So then I just like kind of circled back around which most people do. I don’t know if I’d be alive for sure. It was dark. Really dark. You open your eyes. There’s a beautiful world that’s waiting for you. The things that I’ve done really don’t define who I am. I’m a kind-hearted person who loves people. And through it all, I lost some of my best qualities. For that, I’m sorry.
As life goes on, you start to build walls and you get a little jaded from getting hurt. Like, for a while, I felt like I lost my purpose. And slowly but surely, I’m I’m figuring out where I belong and what what my purpose is and what I need to do for the world and what I need to do for myself. And and said, “Look, I needed a break again.” And we took the break. And he’s taken a very long break.
And in that time, he’s found his wife. It’s a journey. And I remember when I first got married, I hit a little bit of an emotional breakdown because I thought marriage was going to fix all my problems and it didn’t. Once I have financial security, once I have a wife, once I have a baby, all these checks that you check these boxes and there’s still a sense of what else is there.
One of Justin’s biggest breakthroughs so far is not that he’s become perfectly healed. It is that he has become more open and honest about his feelings, his willingness to admit that he’s struggling. He accepts where he is and he’s not trying to cover it up anymore. Talk about those things and be vulnerable about them.
I think it like takes a real man to share that and be honest about that and like have that confidence to be like, you know what, it’s like I have these feelings and just getting that off your chest and letting someone in to console you and be like, hey, bro, it’s all good, man. Like we all do and say messed up things. My whole goal is just to express that it’s okay to have insecurities. It’s okay to have fears.
It’s okay to not have everything figured out. This isn’t a small step for somebody who had to hold together his mom’s life, got little support from his dad, and learned to stay strong and inhibit his emotions. That’s a gamecher. And this could explain why Justin lately seems less explosive than before. only money, no people. You don’t care about human beings. Go.
He’s still angry, but he seems to be less aggressive. And that’s progress. It’s not about feeling no anger. It’s about not letting anger drive your life. And Justin even starts to untangle the relationship with his parents. Can you talk to your parents? Can you try to untangle that? I think there’s levels of, you know, what I think uh our relationship is ready to handle at this moment.
I’m really in the process of doing that right now. So, it’s really kind of still. He seems to have a more realistic view on his parents. He stopped idealizing his father and he starts rekindling his relationship with both of them. But growth doesn’t mean that the work is finished.
So much pain and uh yeah, I don’t know, man. Justin still gets carried away by the pain that he feels. I don’t know where I was going with that. and he’s even losing track of the conversation. That’s a sign that he still feels overwhelmed and the pain is not fully integrated yet. But at the same time, he’s procrastinating on going to therapy.
I’ve been telling Haley that I was going to see this therapist and I just keep putting it off, bro. And like it’s not intentional. It’s just cuz I get busy and I’m like in the flow or something and I’m just like, “All right, just cancel it. I’ll I’ll do it.” And on top of that, Justin’s next growth steps may be the most ordinary one. Becoming a steady father to Jack and becoming a reliable husband to Haley.
For Justin, that may be especially hard because he did not grow up with parents who showed him what a loving relationship looks like or how a father should raise a child. Justin has to figure that out on his own. In his relationship, Haley often seems more grounded and emotionally steady. And for someone like Justin, that kind of presence can feel incredibly soothing, almost like finally finding someone he always needed but never had. In fact, it seems to be a pattern of Justin to be attracted to strong women.
Selena Gomez was also a strong partner with being 2 years older than him and coming across very mature for her age. And there is nothing wrong with seeking a strong partner. We all seek relationships that heal something in us. But there is a risk here. The relationship could quietly shift in a way that one person becomes the emotional container for both.
Haley becomes the regulator and Justin becomes the one being regulated. And without anyone’s intention, Justin’s childhood dynamic with his mother would repeat in his marriage. Justin can counteract this by remaining vulnerable without falling apart and being loving without losing himself. Then he may become the first man in his family line to truly break the cycle.
Not by becoming perfect, but by feeling whole on his own. And maybe that type of work is no longer public. Maybe it is happening in the quiet. The invisible work of continuously becoming a man, husband, father, leader, musician, and whatever else Justin decides to become. And Justin, whenever you see this, feel free to schedule a call with me. There’s a link in the description below. My name is Justin. This is how I draw.
