I say my great grandfather was a centenarian. >> [laughter] >> ISN’T THAT ISN’T THAT WONDERFUL, GOLDIE? My great grandfather was a centenarian. Did you hear his great GRANDFATHER WAS A CENTENARIAN? I AIN’T NO KIDDING. >> [laughter] >> Try now. Yeah. Okay. How’s this? How’s this? There was nothing like growing up in the ’70s and being obsessed with stars like Goldie.
It was the absolute best era to grow up in. I’m so lucky I got to experience it. While others leave their mark through their characters, Goldie’s laugh alone could bring the entire film industry to a standstill. Mr. Gunther, I admire you very much. Well, yes. And and and I’ve seen all your movies. Yes, Goldie. That’s all. Well, wait a minute.
Aren’t you you you’re supposed to shake my hand. Well, if I do that, you’ll want to do this. You’re not going to trick me, Jim Garner, movie star. Goldie Hawn is living proof that you can say the most offensive things and still look absolutely adorable. I just want to take a second to tell you I think you’re a very LOVELY GIRL.
OH, I THOUGHT CARY Grant was much taller. Don’t let those big eyes fool you. Goldie Hawn just showed us all how to accept an award with pure boss energy. >> You know what I’m talking about. Could you explain that to us? >> [laughter] >> What? Could you explain that to us? >> Aluminum siding plays a great part in our dreams.
Aluminum siding Aluminum siding plays [laughter] a great part. We We do strange things with aluminum siding. Never comes into the average person’s [laughter] You know, you don’t have to touch or have a physical act, is what you’re saying. Well, I think that that sexuality is also mostly in the brain. As Dr. David Reuben says, the the most important sexual organ is the human brain. I think so too.
Unless At least for me it is. My brain’s on a hole lately but it’s Why did I say that? I don’t even know I don’t know what that means. Watch out and don’t click on this if you’re feeling proud of your IQ. In just a few seconds Goldie Hawn will have you questioning everything. Wait, why have I been trying so hard to look smart all this time? I wanted to get to know you and find out what you’re really like.
Oh. Yeah, cuz whenever I watch you on I watch you on the television you’re always pretending to be so dumb. You know what I mean? >> Yeah, I’m not pretending. I really am dumb. I am. You know and what’s more I’m proud of it. Dumb is beautiful. >> [laughter] >> You’re proud of being dumb? That’s right.
I mean now, did you ever stop and think who are all the people that cause all the trouble in the world? I give up. Who? The smart people. Smart [laughter] people. >> The statesmen and the generals who run all the government, make all the wars and um the dumb people? NO, THE SMART PEOPLE. THAT’S RIGHT. ANOTHER QUESTION. Look at air pollution. I mean, who invented the cars and the machines that cause all that? >> The smart people.
>> smart people. >> Yes. >> Yes. And what’s the major problem confronting today confronting our universities and like UH >> [laughter] >> THE smart people. YOU KNOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. THAT’S BECAUSE you’re dumb like me. What’s the most dangerous moment in showbiz you ask? It’s not when someone loses their cool.
It’s when the entire studio is struggling to keep a straight face. Still again. All right. Hey Goldie. Oh boy, I’m having so much trouble with this step. Let’s see. Do do do Yeah, that’s perfect Goldie. Now do it with your feet. THAT’S THE PART I CAN GET. THERE GOES A GREAT LITTLE TROOP. Doctor gave me a an anesthetic. I couldn’t afford Oh, nuts.
If you can call Mary Betty Boop, he’d be um Poopy Boop. Don’t bother calling Goldie Hawn beautiful. She’ll just hit you back with a response that’s not even from this planet. And whatever you do, do not let her near a harp. Seriously, consider this your only warning. Okay, bye. Hi, Goldie. >> uh folks, this is one of our regular uh members of the company, Goldie Hawn.
What instrument are you playing tonight? Uh listen, sorry. That was me. I didn’t know she played an instrument, did you? Full of surprises, isn’t she? >> what? See, I play the harp for you. >> No kidding. That’s That’s a harp. That is a harp, yeah. Can I play it now? Give it a whack. With Goldie Hawn, logic might go out the window, but charm like hers should be 100% tax exempt in America.
First, you fill out a W-4 form. Usually, people deduct exactly how many deductions they actually have. And if you and your boss will deduct less from your paycheck so that when the paycheck comes, you’ll even have more to pay, but not as much as if you didn’t have any at all. Now, mind you, these deductions are the same type as those on your 1040 form in April or July if you’re late.
But these [laughter] deductions must be, however, as many people exactly you have that are real deductions. And the more you have, the less you pay if you have to pay, or the more you get back of what you already paid from the W-4 deductions is more than you owe already. Now, next week, I’ll be here to explain the oil depletion allowance or how to make >> Ever wonder why she’s so instantly lovable? It’s because of that innocence.
It’s so adorable. It’s practically a crime. A very happy birthday and many, many more. Goldie, you don’t have to talk so loud. That’s all right. If it would help, I could even talk louder. >> [laughter] >> Goldie, relax. Talk natural. In fact, you can even whisper. But if I whisper like I’m whispering now, you’re not going to be able to hear me. Goldie, I just told you.
>> [laughter] >> It’s amazing. If the rest of you were as good as your ears, you’d be a tiger. Yeah, I’ve got another surprise for you. I’m going to tell you my real age. >> No, you don’t have to tell me. I got the invitation to your 100th birthday party and you look marvelous. >> Yeah, but you see I’m >> as good now as you did when you were 98.
>> [laughter] >> You drink martinis, you smoke cigars, you go out dancing. It’s amazing. And how a man your age has such vitality, I’ll never know. You dress sharp, you you you never have a wrinkle in your clothes. My wrinkles are under my clothes. >> like you never sit down. I’ve got thousands of wrinkles. >> of you. I am so proud of you.
>> You are? Yeah. You have so many interests. I bet you read the paper every day, too. You’re so well preserved. >> I’m 83. >> And so well informed. >> I’m 83. George, why do you keep saying you’re 83? For 83, you look terrible. For 100, you look sensational. You are witnessing a live kidnapping in progress.
Goldie Hawn just tossed the script in the trash and turned the stage into a forced wedding scene. I was just thinking back there that we fit in completely to the theme of the show. Because we’re co-stars, we’re compadres, we’re companions, and we’re a couple. There’s only one thing we’re not. What? Married. Is that a proposal? I don’t >> You put me on the spot.
I guess now’s as good a time as any to answer that. I Oh, they want us to speed things up. Listen, we’ll talk about it later tonight, okay? And now, get ready for a massive dose of laughter from Hollywood’s most beloved blonde icon. The elevator is stuck. OH MY HEAVENS. YEAH, it’s stuck. It’s stuck here.
THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENING. >> [laughter] >> YEAH, I KNOW, BUT MA’AM. WHAT? I THINK HE HAS THAT PHOBIA. That phobia? Yeah, that phobia. >> I just hope his elevator broken. >> [laughter] >> Now, I don’t think you should talk like that. Because, um, it’s an emotional problem. I mean, you have Oh, YOU HAVE TO SHOW A LITTLE UNDERSTANDING AT THIS POINT.
> WELL, LOOK, MISS, I I I have time for that. >> [laughter] >> I have to tell you, you’re never going to get anywhere with that attitude in life. That is why you are an elevator operator and he’s a gorilla. LOOK, BUT LISTEN, MA’AM. BUT WHEN HE GETS WHEN HE GETS THIS WAY, WHAT DOES HE USUALLY TAKE? ANYTHING HE WANTS.
Anything he wants? Oh, wow. That is my own fault. I wanted him to climb up the Empire He wanted to He wanted to climb up the Empire WHAT [laughter] IS THAT? THEY SAY GOLDIE Hawn is proof that you don’t need to be street smart to be a star. You just need to run on a completely different operating system. Operator, give me Los Angeles Crestview 51193.
You’ll have to speak up, miss. Okay, Los Angeles. I don’t want Los Angeles. I mean, Crestview 51193. >> [cheering] >> Help! Hey! Help! That’s Goldie Hawn. >> >> And the uh the Goldie Hawn special from 1978. You’re a really good basketball player. Goldie isn’t even trying to be funny.
She’s just running on an exclusive browser where joy is the homepage and the serious tab constantly crashes the moment the camera start rolling. I’m sorry. >> Made the movie, flew over the set in a harness, sang a song, and I actually planted one right on his lips, and he was fairly receptive. >> Yeah. Planted what? But how would What was that like then? Just Could you Yeah, I know what you’re saying.
>> Yeah. And and actually it it was quite pleasant. He said to me, you know, I just want to let you know, you know, when we kiss, you know, he doesn’t want to we don’t worried about germs and stuff. So, he doesn’t do open-mouth kissing. >> Doesn’t do No. Yeah. But that was fine with So, what do you get? Goldie Hawn’s formula for legend status, 10% innocence, 90% calculation, and a smile with the power of a nuclear plant.
She turned having no clue what’s going on into an absolute cultural icon. The computer dating company promised to find me a husband of equal interests and intelligence. You know, someone whose wheels turn kind of like my own. HELP! YOU KNOW, ON SATURDAY I’M WEARING A ROTISSERIE. Hollywood can produce thousands of beauties, but there will never be another Goldie Hawn.
Her calculated innocence and beautifully chaotic energy are priceless. Turns laughter into a superpower to heal the world. Now, tell us what’s your favorite Goldie Hawn moment.
